If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
