Jerry, you need to find god
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
