he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
