Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
