adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
