Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
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