I'm lost and stupid without you.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
The air was thick with penises
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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