Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
