I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
