I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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