I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
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