you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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