My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
