i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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