When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
