You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
