remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Green mimosas i think yes
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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