He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
