terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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