btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
