but the lizard people decide everything anyway
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
