you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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