oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
