So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
