"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
