I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
