my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I skipped work to stalk him.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
