They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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