It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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