do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
