i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
