he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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