pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
he puts the penis in happiness.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Randomize
