It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
My brain says no but my pants say off.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
