The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
