She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
