Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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