Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
