I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
