its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
