another moral hangover. fuck.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
