Having a random hookup so left but love u
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
