Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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