I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
