I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
