I just saw a hot homeless man
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
