OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
