Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
