he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
