the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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