i think my tv is drunk
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
whose parrot is this?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I love you. Go after that dick
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
